I miss you.
I now live vicariously through your Instagram posts, watching all that you do and the amazing adventures you embark on. I watch for your laugh, your smile, and the snapshots of time I’ll soon learn the story of during one of our cherished FaceTime catch-up calls.
I’ll never forget the night we met.
I was freshly solo at the start of my trip and desperate for connection in a city far from home. I had heard about a silly hostel called Mad Monkey, where it was easy to make friends. So after a long day of solo exploration through the big city of Hanoi, Vietnam, I decided to post up outside Mad Monkey. Within minutes, I began talking to someone.
I remember thinking, “Wow, that was easy,” after simply asking a stranger for a light for my cigarette and quickly finding much more to talk about, already feeling like I had found a friend.
My new friend quickly introduced me to his friends from the hostel, and that is when I met you. I noticed your kindness and the way you carried yourself like you hadn’t a care in the world.
We talked, we laughed, we (well, I did because you can’t, but I love your effort) danced, and had a wonderful night bouncing between bars on Beer Street.
I spent every last night in Hanoi coming back to the bar at Mad Monkey, searching for our little group that grew larger every night.
I’m not sure when exactly it happened, but I remember finding out you were only 18 and I was floored. To be so mature and to have such a handle on life at your age was beyond me. I remember sitting on the steps of the bar, watching others play beer pong while we had deep conversations about life, our aspirations, and our upbringings. I had a glimpse of what your life was like, but I still couldn’t understand how you had such a head on your shoulders at only 18 years old. I was inspired, to say the least.
We quickly got to joking that I was your mother, and I was happy to take on the role. It got even funnier as we would go out and you would butt into some guy hitting on me, telling him you were my husband, and I would quickly correct you to say you were my son. We flopped roles on this the whole week and caused so much confusion among our fellow travelers, but all I remember was how much it made us laugh.
When it was time for me to leave Hanoi, I was anxious because you were a part of my first group of travel friends, and once again, I would find myself alone and needing to exercise my social skills.
We both went our separate ways, with me traveling through Vietnam and Cambodia and you finishing your Vietnam adventure and heading to Northern Thailand.
We stayed friends on Instagram and messaged a bit here and there, but when you saw I was coming to Thailand with the intent of traveling north to south, you called me with a wild idea.
“Let’s do the islands together.”
On FaceTime, you convinced me to change plans and travel with you when you pulled out all your maps and travel books. I still kept thinking, “How is this kid with a plethora of maps and literal travel books only 19 (you celebrated a birthday)?!”
I told you that I was down to travel the islands but under strict rules that I must stay on track with my goals and intentions that I set before my travels. I was here to explore but also to build a strong travel content portfolio, and I wasn’t allowed the luxury of slacking off or getting caught up in anything that didn’t push me forward.
You listened to my concerns and agreed that we would make it work, and if I ever needed free space or for you to talk less, you would oblige.
We met briefly at the airport in Bangkok and flew separately to our first island of Koh Samui. A month-long adventure of island hopping was set to commence, and I had no idea how profound and memorable the impact of this trip would be for me.
If I wrote about all of our adventures that month, this little blog post would turn into something of a novel, so I won’t add everything. But know that it’s ingrained into my memory as deeply as the ABCs.
From the Full Moon Party to our late-night talks on the swinging bed of our dive hostel in Koh Tao, to our infinite number of shared mango sticky rice and Roti late-night snacks, to you trying to room service cigarettes at our luxury resort, to our epic deep-sea fishing adventure, to our final night on Ko Lipe swimming in our private cove with nothing but the moon and our stray dogs to keep us company on our shroom trip, that month was arguably one of the best of my life.
I don’t think I ever fully got the chance to thank you for being such a light in my life. You are my first true and real travel friend, and if I never have one of my own, you are the son I will always be the most proud of. Thank you for being my social butterfly and collecting so many amazing friends for us along the way. Thank you for putting yourself out there in your most raw and authentic way. Thank you for never hesitating to take photos of me or help me with content. Thank you for giving me space when I wanted me-time. Thank you for our late-night adventures, our heart-to-hearts I’ll never forget. Thank you for sharing everything with me, from your biggest fears to your hardest traumas to your insecurities. You are so brave for putting yourself on this path and working hard every day in search of finding yourself and building a life that you are proud of.
Thank you for being my son.
As I write this, I am crying, thinking about how much I miss you and how proud of you I am. Like a true mother, I now live vicariously through your Instagram stories and cheer you on from home.
You, my dearest Joshua, are an incredible human. You are a kind soul. You are wise beyond your years. You are brave. You are destined for greatness.
I can’t wait to see where you go, and I look forward to meeting you again.
Thank you for your friendship, and thank you for the memories.
Till we meet again.